Black-and-white illustration of a girl sitting on the floor by a corner, hugging her knees with her head lowered. Light is streaming around the corner, but the girl is huddled in the shadow. Art by Debbie Ridpath Ohi.


Our dear friends are going through an incredibly difficult time right now, and it's only going to get more difficult. I feel so helpless at times like this, but am trying to support them however I can.

While there are certain parallels with situations I have been experienced in the past, I would never presume to fully understand what they are going through, what they are feeling, how they are coping. I would never say, "I know exactly how you feel."

I tried posting about this on another platform but there were tech issues: temporary, I know, but I needed to post about this today.

I have been on the receiving end of this kind of comment, decades ago. I understood that the other person was just expressing sympathy, and genuinely trying to offer support. But I confess there was always a tiny part of me that wanted to shout, "But you DON'T."

As someone who is constantly saying the wrong thing or afraid of saying the wrong thing, I get it.

I figure that all we can do is try to be kind - whatever side of the comment we find ourselves on- , to forgive and move on, and to learn something from the experience that will help us do better next time.